As always the things around us teach us great lessons. When I first got my horse I loved on her so much. I brushed her, massage her, and I gave her treats. I did everything I thought would make her love me. Yet when I rode her she wasn’t listening to my commands and instead would just walk slowly. My trainer had very good insight and ability to teach me how to gain respect by giving her security and that showed more love than all the treats and brushing that I could give her. Once I realized how to give her the guidance she began to listen to me and we became a team.
I recently experienced the same thing with my daughter. At 2 years old she rarely sleeps through the night. My husband and I would hold her and rock her and love her trying to make her feel secure as a means to helping her go to sleep and get back to sleep as she woke up multiple times at night. We obviously weren’t getting anywhere until recently I had to do tough love and repeatedly lay her down and let her know she was safe. She began to realize that she could put herself to sleep and felt secure that mommy would watch over her if she needed. Over the last three weeks she has slept through the night more than not. She feels safe. She knew she was loved but needed to feel safe.
I think of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and at the first priority is food, shelter, and safety. Love doesn’t come until the 3rd tier. Often times we seek out love when we really need safety and security in our selves. If we don’t have that firm foundation we will never find love in our self or others. We will fall into a cycle of repeatedly getting walked all over and feeling insecure.
So in our search for wholeness we need to first look at what makes us feel safe and confident in ourselves and how can we instill this in others.
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